You Gotta Go There To Come Back
by momentary-ecstasy
Summary: A progression of Alex and Marissa's relationship. How they came back. Based on the song "I'm Alright" by Stereophonics.


_I'll drink another drink for you_

_One two three four five, once I drank a fishin' line_

Alex glanced over at Marissa, who was starting on her third beer of the night. After a quick scan of the room her eyes returned to Marissa. She knew that this was just a way for Marissa to deal with her mother threading to cut her off and her father taking off without notice again. She watched as Marissa flirted with everyone that walked past her. Alex would by lying if she said it didn't bother her, but she wasn't going to say anything. At the end of the night, Marissa would be passed out in bed next to her and that was what mattered to her. In the mean time it was just making sure that Marissa didn't get hurt between the drinking and passing out stages.

She wouldn't admit to anyone how much seeing Marissa hurt was hurting her. Especially Marissa's way of dealing with her hurt. There were times when Alex would just watch Marissa sleep while fighting back tears and other times where she had to get in the shower just to muffle the noise of her sobs. She didn't know how to handle or help Marissa. She didn't know if any of this 'dealing' was going to end their relationship. She didn't know how to stop the slow progression Marissa was making away from her.

"Alex," one of her friend's sat next to her, "You okay?"

She took her gaze off of Marissa only for a moment to look at him, "Yeah. I'm alright."

_I'll drop another pill for you_

_Six seven eight nine ten, did it before I'll do it again_

The dazed look in Marissa eyes told Alex that she'd already taken her share of the pills. Marissa smiled sloppily at Alex and dropped the remaining two pills in her girlfriend's hand. Alex glanced at the orange pills and took them without a second thought.

The room was soon vibrating with the music. Alex made sure to keep a hand on Marissa so she wouldn't lose her. She knew as soon as the drugs hit her system it would be hard to distinguish Marissa from the rest of the crowd.

They carelessly bounced around, but Alex had enough clarity to remember to keep Marissa close, but had lost enough to not care that Marissa was grinding on some guy.

_I'll tell another joke for you_

_Did you hear the one about the one that looks like you?_

Alex pulled Marissa's hair back again as she heaved into the toilet. Too much partying had accumulated into her body rejecting everything that Marissa tried to put in it recently.

When her stomach was sufficiently empty, Alex wiped Marissa's face and went to get Marissa some clean clothes while Marissa brushed her teeth.

The blonde helped her girlfriend change into the clean clothes. Alex led the way into the living room and sat on the couch. Marissa immediately dropped next to her and leaned on the shorter girl. Alex maneuvered her arm around Marissa and kissed the side of her hair, "You okay?"

Marissa closed her eyes and groaned. She snuggled farther into Alex, almost clinging to her shirt.

After a few silent seconds of stroking Marissa's hair she quietly spoke, "So there's these two muffins in an oven. They're both sitting, just chilling and getting baked. Then one of them yells, 'God damn it's hot in here.' The other muffin looks at the first muffin and yells 'Holy crap, a talking muffin.'"

Marissa chuckled at the lame joke. Soon the chuckles turn into a fit of giggles and soon Alex joins her, doubled over on the couch.

"It's not that funny," Marissa said through the tears in her eyes as she giggles subsided.

Alex smiled, "It's because you're tired. Do you want to go to bed?"

Marissa shook her head, "No. I want you to tell me another one."

"Okay," Alex puts both of her arms around Marissa, "So there's two peanuts walking down the street. And one was a-salted."

_I'll sleep with sleep around for you_

_Why don't you scratch my back and chew the tongue I chew?_

Alex sat in bed trying to finish The Bell Jar before she fell asleep. Work had been long and she was up late the night before partying with Marissa. The aforementioned girlfriend was in the shower and Alex was quickly reading the last few pages so when Marissa got out they could turn out the lights and go to sleep.

Just as Alex finished the last paragraph she heard the shower turn off. She slightly smiled, proud that she finished the book in just under a day. She knew Marissa would take a few minutes towel drying her hair so she set the book on the nightstand and turned off the lamp next to the bed, sending the room into darkness.

A minute or two later, the bathroom door opened. She could see Marissa's silhouette in the light coming in the bathroom window. She was sans any type of clothing or covering. She sauntered over to the bed and slid in next to Alex. Marissa immediately started kissing Alex. She grabbed the hem of Alex's shirt and pulled the blonde on top of her.

Alex responded immediately, kissing Marissa hard. She felt Marissa's nails rake across the small of her back. She immediately pressed herself harder against Marissa's body, feeling them both sink into the bed.

_I'm alright_

_I'm alright_

"You look like you're about to fall asleep," Mandy commented as she passed Alex who was sleepily wiping down the bar.

Alex half-heartedly grunted in a response. She wasn't just tired. She was exhausted. She could fall asleep anywhere. Any flat surface. Or gently sloped surface.

"Alex," Mandy walked up behind Alex and rested her hand on the blonde's shoulder, "What's up hun? Are you okay?"

"I'm alright," Alex shook her head and continued to wipe down the same spot again. She sighed, "I'm alright."

_I'll tell another lie for you_

_Tell you what you wanna hear, but that don't make it true_

Alex was so tired from the night before and had to wake up to take Marissa to school because Marissa's car had a flat. So when she got back she dropped her keys on the counter and fell back on the couch. It was her day off and she was going to move as little as possible.

She didn't know how long she'd been asleep, but three loud bangs on the door woke her up. Alex rolled off the couch and walked like a zombie to the door. They weren't late on rent, so there was no reason to ignore whoever was at the door.

It turned out she was wrong. There was a reason to ignore who was at the door. Alex sighed when she opened the door and leaned on the frame, "What do you want?"

"Where's Marissa?" Julie asked, arms crossed.

"Mexico," Alex droned, not in the mood to deal with the eldest Cooper woman.

Julie tried to be at her most intimidating, "Where is she? Really?"

"School," Alex sighed, "Why can't you just leave her alone?"

"She can't be at school," Julie put her hands on her hips, "School has been out for an hour."

The blonde momentarily glanced behind her to look at the clock on the oven. Then she turned back to Julie, "She had a project to work on with Summer. They're probably at Summer's house."

Julie eyed Alex before turning on her heel and stalking off to her car.

Alex was more than slightly annoyed when Marissa hadn't called after school was out. She usually did right when she got out. Alex didn't know what was really going on with Marissa anymore. She closed the door and fell back on the couch.

It wasn't ten minutes later when the door opened. Marissa walked in with a smile and a retail bag on her arm. "Hey," she smiled and walked to the couch, dropping her purse and the bag by the door.

"Hey," Alex deadpanned from the couch.

"Did you sleep at all?" Marissa asked sitting on the couch next to Alex. She looked down at her laying girlfriend, slipping her hand under Alex's shirt and rubbing her stomach.

Alex nodded, "Yeah, but your mom woke me up."

"What did she want?" Marissa continued to stroke Alex's stomach.

"To know where you were. School was out and you weren't here," Alex replied looking up at Marissa, waiting for the answer.

A sweet smile crept onto Marissa's face, "I got Summer to drive me to the store."

Alex raised an eyebrow, "What did you buy? Because there is no more room in our closet."

"It wasn't for me," Marissa kissed Alex's cheek and stood, "I got you something."

"Riss," Alex sat up and watched her, mad at herself for being annoyed that Marissa didn't call her.

"I've been saving up for it," Marissa picked up the bag, "Because I knew you wanted it." She reached into the bag and pulled out a record, still in the shrink wrap.

"The Postal Service?" Alex stood and walked over to Marissa. She took the record before pulling Marissa into a hug, "Oh my god this is so sweet babe."

Marissa held onto Alex and buried her face into the blonde's shoulder, "You deserve it. I know I'm not the easiest person to live with."

_I'll wear another smile for you_

_That way you know I'm fine and having fun with you_

Alex was miserable. Completely miserable. She didn't want to party anymore. She hated the people in the house. She hated the house they were in. She hated the beer in hand and the roach someone was about to pass her. It took all she had no to just walk out the door. She had to remember why she was putting herself through this. Because Marissa wanted to. And she had to protect Marissa.

Two words swam around in her head in a sing song way. Protect Marissa. Protect Marissa. Protect Marissa. Alex was starting to get tired of protecting Marissa. It didn't mean she didn't love her anymore. It just meant that Marissa needed to stop putting herself in places where she could get hurt. Alex knew she couldn't protect Marissa all the time, but she felt obligated to when she could.

She scanned the room again and saw Marissa sitting at a table talking to a group of people. She was obviously having a good time. She glanced over at Alex who quickly put on a smile for her girlfriend.

Marissa maintained eye contact long enough to mouth _I love you_ to Alex before turned back to the group.

That reaffirmed why Alex did it. Why she put herself through all the smoke and drugs and booze of the parties. Because she loved Marissa.

Alex kept the small smile on her face to remind her that Marissa was her reason.

_I'll draw another line for you_

_That way you know I'm hip, that way you know I'm cool_

Alex had no idea how they had escalated to cocaine, but she wasn't surprised that they had gotten there. Marissa was falling deeper and deeper into a downward spiral of self deprecation and all Alex could do was watch.

The weekend trip to LA left them staying with a friend of Alex's. Marissa had begged to go to the best bar Alex knew and so Alex took her. Now they were in the bathroom snorting coke off of a compact mirror in the farthest stall from the door. The music was still blaring even in the bathroom.

After the first line hit her brain Alex smiled at Marissa who was already smiling back. Marissa nailed Alex to the wall of the stall with a fevered kiss. The mirror was sent clattering to the ground, but neither girl noticed.

_I'll smoke another smoke for you_

_I'll blow back in your mouth and you can blow back too_

Alex didn't remember starting to smoke again. She started in high school after she was emancipated, but quit when it started to hinder her surfing. And now here she was, walking home from work with a cigarette between her lips as she searched for her lighter in her pockets. She didn't do much surfing anymore. It was always too dark outside to surf when she did have the time.

"Hey stranger," a familiar voice came from the shadows in the bushes next to the Bait Shop.

Alex turned and saw Marissa as she lit her cigarette. She smiled and took the cigarette out of her mouth, "Hey babe."

"I was thinking maybe we could go for a walk on the beach. It's been a while," Marissa put her hands in her pockets.

"Sure," Alex shrugged. As much as she was looking forward to a shower to get the club stink off, a simple walk with Marissa seemed better. She was also grateful Marissa didn't want to go out and party again.

Marissa sweetly slid her fingers between Alex's and shyly smiled at her girlfriend. This made Alex smile more than she had all day.

"You're in a good mood," Alex commented as they got to the beach. They both stopped to remove their shoes and roll up their pants a little before taking each other's hand and resuming the walk.

Marissa nodded.

Alex exhaled smoke and glanced at the brunette, "Any reason?"

Marissa just smiled again, "Not really. I just wanted to be with you. Where it was just us."

The blonde grinned and tried to hide her giddiness. Alex loved when Marissa would say things like that. Her heart would soar and all the shit that they went through together was worth it.

A few minutes later, Marissa suggested they sit so they made a place in the sand. Marissa had taken the cigarette from Alex and inhaled. She looked to see Alex watching her, so she moved in and kissed the blonde, letting the smoke drift into Alex's mouth before escaping when they slowly parted.

Marissa looked out at the ocean and rested her head on Alex's shoulder. "I love you."

Alex slid her arm around Marissa's waist and kissed her hair, "I love you too."

"My…um mom called today," Marissa spoke in a volume just above a whisper.

"Yeah?" Alex asked, "What did she say?"

Marissa swallowed hard, "Just the usual threats."

Alex held Marissa a little tighter. She knew that as much as Marissa didn't want it to, the things her mother said really affected her. She took them to heart and agonized over them. "Do you want me to talk to her?"

Marissa shook her head, "She's my mom. You shouldn't have to deal with her."

"I want to help," Alex whispered.

The taller girl just let out a sigh, "I just want to go home and take a bath, maybe order some Chinese?"

"Sounds great," Alex forced a smile and stood, helping Marissa to her feet. Marissa let the momentum of Alex's pull propel her into Alex's body. She wrapped her arms around Alex's waist and closed her eyes as she pressed her cheek against Alex's shoulder.

Alex instinctively wrapped her arms around Marissa and held her there until the brunette was ready to leave. It reminded her how and why they started dating. In the beginning it was so innocent and it morphed into an intense rollercoaster neither one could predict.

Marissa's fingers lacing through her own brought Alex out of her thoughts. She smiled and followed Marissa to the stairs back up to the pavement. As the passed a trashcan on the way up she toss the box of cigarettes in her back pocket and promised herself to make time for surfing.

_I'm alright_

_I'm alright_

_You gotta go there to come back_

"Marissa!" Summer hissed as she tried to stir the sleeping beauty. She poked Marissa with a pen and then shook her arm.

Marissa slowly woke up, "Huh?"

"It's almost time to go to lunch," Summer stated as the teacher was wrapping up her lesson for the day. "Are you okay?"

"I'm alright," Marissa rubbed her eyes and nodded. She'd spent the previous night drinking with Alex and her friends and didn't get to bed until four am.

The bell rang and Marissa swept the stuff on her desk into her bag and walked with Summer out the door. "What's up with you? You've been sleeping through every class lately."

"Sorry, there's just been a lot going on," Marissa tried to explain, but Summer saw right through the lie.

"Is it Alex's idea to booze it up all the time?" Summer quipped.

"Of course not," Marissa looked at her best friend, slightly offended, "We drink sometimes. It's usually my idea. She just…takes care of me." Marissa looked down at the ground. She hated the Alex was always taking care of her, but with all the pressures of school, her mom, and her friends, Marissa felt like she didn't have any other escape.

Summer knew that it was no use pointing out that Alex wouldn't have to take care of her all the time if she would stop partying constantly. Marissa seemed to already know it anyway.

"So do you wanna hit the drive thru for lunch?" Summer asked changing the subject, "I'm thinking chili cheese fries and an extra large caffeine fix for you. We have a history test when we get back."

"Sounds great," Marissa smiled, happy Summer somewhat understood her.

_I'll take another punch for you_

_Tie my hands behind my back that way you cannot lose_

It started with a whirl of insults after some guy grabbed Marissa's ass in the new club that just opened in LA. There was a fierce fire in Alex's eyes as she shoved the guy that dared disrespect Marissa like that.

Marissa saw the punch about to be thrown and knew she couldn't stop it. The guy hit Alex right above the eye. This didn't seem to faze the blonde much as she delivered a whirlwind of punches herself. But soon some of the guy's friends jumped in to help.

Marissa opened her mouth but she couldn't scream. She just saw Alex fall to the ground as some more guys stepped in to beat the shit out of the guys that would gang up on a girl.

Marissa dropped to her knees as she saw the blood seep out of Alex's blonde hair that was a mess on the floor. She heard people around her talking, but they seemed disembodied. Alex was the only thing she could see.

"Someone call an ambulance!"

"Don't move her."

"Her wrist looks broken."

"The other guy looks worse."

"Ma'am," a paramedic said as he knelt next to Alex trying to get Marissa's attention. Marissa finally looked up, "Is your friend allergic to any medications?"

Marissa nodded, "Uh…just Codine."

"Okay," the paramedic was talking as he put Alex on her back so that they could put her on a gurney. "We're going to have to take her to the hospital. She should be okay."

Marissa just nodded, still staring at Alex's lifeless body. The blood was still in her hair making it stick to her face. Alex seemed so pale.

Marissa got into the ambulance with tears streaming down her face praying to whatever god there may be that her girlfriend would be okay.

She followed Alex to the ER and then sat in the waiting room and then she sat vigilantly by her girlfriend's side when she got a room.

The doctor's had told her that Alex was in a light coma, whatever that is. They told her that Alex should wake up once the swelling in her brain went down. No one could seem to tell Marissa when the swelling would go down so Marissa had made herself comfortable in case they were going to be there for a while.

A few hours after they arrived, Marissa had made a few phone calls and got one of their friends to get some things from their apartment and bring it to them. Her next call was Summer. She didn't know if Summer could come all the way to LA, but she just needed to talk to her friend.

Marissa leaned on the wall next to the door of Alex's room. She didn't want Alex out of her sight. She closed her eyes as the phone rang and prayed that Summer would pick up.

"Coop?" Summer's sleepy voice asked.

"Hey Sum," Marissa said, choking back tears again.

"Marissa, what's wrong?" Summer immediately sounded more awake, "Are you okay?"

Marissa paused to gather her words, "I'm fine…well, I'm not because Alex got hurt. In a club we went to. She got into a fight. And the guy…" Marissa trailed off. She covered her mouth to try to muffle the sobs.

"Where are you?" Summer asked, "The hospital down the street from the mall?"

Had the circumstances been different, Marissa would have laughed at Summer's use of the mall as a reference point. "No. We're at the hospital in LA. The one by the…" Marissa was trying desperately to think of any landmarks around them but her brain didn't seem to make the connection.

"The one closest to Newport?" Summer tried to help.

"Yeah," Marissa sighed.

"I'll be there as soon as I can," Summer stated.

"No, Sum you don't have to," Marissa told her, "You have school tomorrow."

Summer was already grabbing her keys and her purse on the way out the door, "I go to class all the time. I think I can handle missing one day to be at the hospital with my friends."

Marissa paused. She did need Summer there for support, "Thank you."

"No problem," Summer added, "I'll call you when I get close."

"Thanks Sum," Marissa sighed, slightly relieved. She closed her phone and walked to the chair that she had moved next to Alex's bed. She looked at the paperwork she was supposed to fill out on the meal tray next to her. She knew she needed to, but she was having trouble getting around to it. She knew most of the answers to the questions on the forms and what she didn't know was most likely in Alex's wallet. Luckily the blonde had given her wallet to Marissa to put in her purse, which was now sitting on the floor next to the chair.

She reached over and took Alex's hands. It was warm, but not as warm as usual. Marissa absentmindedly stroked Alex's hand and closed her eyes. She wanted this all to be over. She wanted to be in their bed with Alex. Not in some hospital while her girlfriend was in a coma.

Over the course of the next few hours, nurses came in to check on Alex and collect the forms from Marissa. Doctors came in to explain things while Marissa listened intently.

A few minutes before four am their friend in charge of getting clothes and things from their apartment appeared.

"Hey Angela," Marissa slowly stood from her seat, barely able to will her tired body into motion.

"Hey Marissa," Angela set the bag over her shoulder down and hugged the taller girl. When she let go of Marissa she looked down at Alex. She took a deep breath and bit her lip, "Wow."

"Yeah," Marissa sank back down in to her chair.

Angela patted Alex hand and looked at Marissa, "Do you need anything else?"

"I don't think so," Marissa shook her head.

"I'm gonna go get some coffee and come back," Angela told Marissa, "Do you want some?"

After thinking it over Marissa nodded, "Thanks."

"No problem," Angela rested her hand on Marissa's shoulder, "She'll be fine. She's tough."

Marissa nodded in agreement.

It wasn't long before Angela returned and Summer arrived with a half asleep Seth in tow.

Marissa immediately hugged Summer when she walked in and the tears she thought were gone resurfaced.

When Marissa finally pulled away, she looked back at Alex, who was still passed out in the bed.

_I'm alright_

_I'm alright_

Alex walked around the bar, letting the fingers sticking out of her purple cast skim over the glossy wood finish. She was going over a mental checklist to make sure they were ready to open that night. She hopped behind the bar and checked to make sure the beer was getting cold before counting the bottles behind the bar. She looked up at the shelves of liquor, visually measuring how much was in each one.

Then she looked to the end of the bar where Marissa was sitting, her head tilted downward, a pencil between her teeth. After a moment, she wrote something down on her paper before turning the page in the large textbook on the bar. She shifted on her stool before resuming her writing.

Alex smiled and nodded, deciding to leave the studious girl alone. She walked into her office and stopped at the mirror by the door. The wound on her hairline was healing nicely. No one even noticed it anymore.

Then she sank down behind her desk and started to go over the timesheets she was supposed to make.

Mandy walked in the door a few minutes later, "Homer's here."

Alex looked up from her work and nodded, "You wanted this Thursday off right?"

Mandy nodded, "That's would be awesome."

"Okay," Alex scribbled something down and rose from her desk.

"I see you brought someone with you today," Mandy grinned gesturing to the bar.

The blonde manager smile, "Yeah. She said she couldn't concentrate at our apartment. It was too clean."

"Too clean?" Mandy asked with a raised eyebrow.

Alex chuckled and nodded, "I know, right?"

"I think she just wants to spend time with you," Mandy smirked, "You know I don't blame her."

Homer walked up to them as Alex let out a laugh. He smiled at her, "Glad to see you're okay Alex. We were worried about you."

She glanced back at Marissa with a smile on her face then turned back to Homer. "No need to worry. I'm alright."

_You me us free, we're alright, alright_

_Love pain hate rain, we're alright, alright_

_Give take time place, we're alright, alright_

Alex and Marissa walked hand in hand down the beach one night. The cool breeze was lapping across their legs and through their hair. Marissa looked down at the sand before it passed under her. She took a long deep breath before saying, "I'm really sorry about everything. The partying and the drugs."

"Hey, I wouldn't have done it if I didn't want to," Alex assured Marissa, although it was only a half-truth. The truth was more of a 'I wouldn't have done it if I didn't want to make you happy.'

Marissa bit her lip and added, "I know but…"

Alex shook her head, interrupting her, "We've gone over this. It's okay."

"Really?" Marissa asked, stopping her strides to face Alex.

The blonde nodded, "It's in the past."

Marissa slid her arms around Alex's neck and felt the blonde rest her hands on the small of her back, holding her closer. "So we're okay?"

Alex smiled and pulled away enough to press her lips against Marissa's. The brunette immediately deepened the kiss and surrendered control to Alex.

When Alex finally pulled away, she had a loving gaze that memorized Marissa's face. She nodded. "Yeah…we're alright."


End file.
